Families Supporting Adoption, an organization sponsored by LDS Family Services with sixty chapters worldwide and more than 3,000 members, is an organization which advocates a positive view of adoption and provides support to birth parents, adoptive families, and others through outreach, legislation, media relations, and education.  Annually Families Supporting Adoption holds a national conference, where participants join together for educational classes, leadership training, and activities that celebrate adoption.

            : We’re talking about issues of adoption today, and I have four ladies with me who have graciously agreed to come and talk about their involvement and their experience as birth mothers--I appreciate you being here today and taking some time to talk with us.  We’d like to talk a little bit about some of your experiences, the things that you went through and the things that you were thinking and the things that were good and the things that were bad, as you went through this process.  All of you collectively find yourselves in a situation where you’re going to have a baby and you weren’t married, and so I guess initially that had to be a shocking situation that I would imagine left you really wondering what to do and confused.  Anybody want to talk about what that was like when all of the sudden one day you found out that you were going to have a baby and you weren’t ready to have a baby?

            : Yeah, I found out when I was five and a half months pregnant, and so I just thought, “Oh, my goodness!”  How did I not know, first of all, and then, how could I have been so careless?  And my situation was that I felt extremely guilty because I thought, “How could I do this to my child, and how could I not be ready for my child?”  And so it was a lot of guilt, and I beat myself up a lot as far as just saying, “What were you thinking?”  And put everything in perspective as far as everything I was doing in my life that I was, that I had been raised to believe was wrong.  And so it just, it was a lot of guilt for me, and being that I was older, I just thought, you know, I should be ready now, I should have had a husband, and I should have done it the right way.  So that’s how--it was a lot of guilt for me.

            : What kind of reaction did you get from your parents and other people

            : My mother was there when I found out, because I thought just something else was going on in my body; I thought I was sick, and she just, she couldn’t say anything, just more of, “How could you do this?”  She was very shocked and disappointed.

            : Interesting.  And the rest of you had similar feelings that you had?

            : Yes.

            : You’re nodding your head, Cami.

            : Yes.  A whole lot of guilt.  Blaming myself for doing something so wrong that I was taught not to do.  And then to tell my parents was going to be the most difficult thing in the world.  I look up to my mother extremely, and to disappoint her is just, it kills me.

            : How did you tell her?

            : Actually, I first told my two older sisters, who are very supportive of me and they love me to death.  I brought them with me, and all three together we told her.

            : And how did she react?

            : She cried a lot.  She was disappointed.  But after a while, she was okay.

            : And I bet that’s probably a pretty common feelings of guilt, feelings of, I’ve done something wrong, I wasn’t ready for this, this wasn’t supposed to happen at this time in my life.  But was there a next stage after that, when you start to realize, “What am I going to do?  I’ve got to do something here, I’ve got to make some choices.”  What, what did you, what thought process did you go through after initially everybody found out?

            : My dad had always said that I should place, and it took me the longest to finally come and out and say that I was going to place, but my parents were very supportive, and they said, “Whatever your decision is what you should do.”  And just, I think you have to think about it a lot and pray about and make sure it is the right thing, and that’s just what I did over and over and every night and stuff, to make sure it was the right thing in what I should do, because at first I wasn’t sure.  So it’s just, it’s kind of confusing at times, and you just sit there and go, “What am I going to do?”  But I think it all works out if you, if you feel like it’s the right thing and you do it the right way and ask the right way and stuff.

            : What kind of reaction did your friends have when they found out?

            : My friends.  Oh, they were really surprised, because all through high school I was, like, the good girl and never did anything wrong, and I actually didn’t see a lot of my friends till after I had the baby in placed, and they were just shocked that I would get myself into something like that, but they’ve been really supportive, too.  They’ve been a big help to me through all this.

            : You find out who your friends are.

            : Yep.

            : Heather?  Did the birth father have any involvement--was he supportive, was he--?

            : I contacted him after I had the ultrasound because it had been so, I hadn’t had any prenatal care, and so being that I was a high-risk pregnancy, I let him know after I found out she was healthy, and I told him, you know, this is what I’m going to do, this is my decision.  I let him know upfront that I was going to place her for adoption, that he had no, he would have no legal responsibilities, but if he wanted to be a part of the process of the adoption, and then just keeping the communication with the family as you do, that we was welcome to be a part of that and see her grow up, you know, as long as we were able to--he was completely supportive, said, “I agree with you; I’m not ready to be a father yet,” and then gave me the, “Well, let me call you tomorrow,” and that was about two and a half years ago.

            : And you’re still waiting for that call.

            : No, it’s okay that he hasn’t called, but it was disappointing, but I wanted him to know that he’s got a child out there.  I felt it was my responsibility to let him know, and then it was his decision from there.

            : So he pulled out immediately; he backed off immediately.

            : Immediately, yeah.

            : Did any of the others of you have different experience in that; did they--the birth father--stay around longer than that, or was that pretty much how it went for all of you?  Yeah, and I guess that they say that’s pretty common; that’s kind of the way that it generally, generally works, but it sounds like--

            : It’s the easy way out.  You don’t have to deal with the emotions and the responsibility of going through the adoption process or the pain; it’s the easy way out.

            : Do you blame him for that?  Do you feel angry towards them for that?

            : I didn’t have any ill feelings towards her birth father, because I thought he’s just as scared as I am.  But he’s able to run away from it; I wasn’t, because obviously I have the child, is carrying the child, but I’m grateful that he didn’t make it harder, but at the same time, I wish he would have stayed for her, so that as she grows up, she had some information about her birth father, which he is a part of her.

            : Some connection.

            : Yeah, that’s the only thing I wished as far as him sticking around, just for her.

            : So it’s just the nature of things: if you’re the birth mom, you can run, but the baby just stays right there with you.

            : Well, and for medical information.  I mean, I’m adopted, and I don’t know my birth parents, so she at this point has no medical information if something were to happen to her, and thankfully she was born healthy; she’s a healthy baby.  That’s something I would like for her to be able to have for when she becomes a mother, if she needs that.  And people don’t realize that, you know, when that birth father leaves the picture, you still have to deal with going to the grocery store--people seeing you pregnant, saying, “Oh, is this your first child?”  And you’re like, “Yeah,” but not knowing deep down what’s going on inside, and you, you deal with that on a daily basis.  You have that, for me, humiliation every day.  And people don’t know that it’s humiliation inside of you, but the guilt, and you carry a huge burden.  It’s hard sometimes.

            : So how did the others of you deal with that, with being visibly starting to show that you’re pregnant, and I guess it had to come to a point when everybody in the community could see she’s putting on some weight.

            : Well, I was, I lived with my two sisters and then another friend.  And I actually went to a singles’ ward through my pregnancy, which at first, you know, I didn’t know if that was an option, and I had to meet with the bishop, and the bishop had to go meet with the stake president to make sure that was okay, and you know, they totally were just like, you know, “Great,” you know, “Glad to have you,” you know, and that was kind of hard, being in a singles’ ward where you have young men and women who are dating and whatnot, and you know, I wasn’t, obviously, and I felt left out.  And there were lots of activities that I didn’t go to, and I would try to hide my pregnancy for as long as I could, but you know, that only goes so far.  But it was, you know, my visiting teachers and my home teachers were all great; they were so nice to me.  They came and visited me on a regular basis.

            : Now, Cami, you were in a little different situation; you’re a little younger, so it probably wasn’t, you know, leaving.  Did you stay locally?

            : I did.  I went through my whole junior year being pregnant.  It was a little bit harder to have all your peers around you every single day, and to look at you and to judge you.  Younger people tend to judge a little bit harsher, I think.  But my teachers were all very supportive; my friends were all very supportive.  I think I have the greatest ward in the world, because they were so great.  I had a really good experience.

            : So it was when people were a little different than what you think they might be: you’d think that people might be judgmental, but people were pretty open and friendly.

            : They were.  They really were.

            : Christy, you come from a small town.  You know, everybody in this, if you live in a small town, everybody knows what everybody’s doing, you know, it’s not like a big city or anything.  Pretty hard to--?

            : Actually, it wasn’t.  I found out later that a lot of people didn’t even know I’d had a baby and stuff, and so that was kind of weird to hear that because, of course, being in a small town, you think everybody will know, and everybody--but those who did know were very supportive, and just…I didn’t hang around; I stayed mostly in my house, just because I was so--it was, like, right in the middle of the summer and stuff--but we had visiting teachers and home teachers that came over, and they made sure everything was fine and just really supportive.

            : Especially now, as you’re going through this process, you know, you come to this decision--and it sounds like all of you did--that you were going to place the baby for adoption.  And I can’t think of any of you thought, “Gee, I’m going to raise this baby on my own,” although I imagine that thought probably went through your head periodically during this time to think, “Well, maybe I’ll keep the baby and I’ll raise it myself.”  Any of you have any recollection of why you decided one way or the other, or what your thought process was as you started to, to formulate that decision?

            : I thought that first week before I had--when I found out I was pregnant--up till when I had the ultrasound, my thought process was, “Okay, I make enough money; I just have to sell my car, probably get a second job,” you know, I went through all that, and speaking with my social worker, she was helping me to begin and prepare to become a parent.  And you know, I was praying about it, and I was like, “Uh, well, this is something I have to do, because this is my child,” so it wasn’t anything, wasn’t a happy process.  I just kept getting sadder and sadder, and then my decision finally to place her for adoption was when I heard her heart beat, and then I just knew, I just thought, “Oh, my goodness!  This is my child!”  And how could I give her half of what she deserves?  And part of her being sealed to an eternal family was very important to me because I couldn’t promise her that; I didn’t know that my life would be where it is now, having gone through the temple myself, I had no idea that I would have progressed so much, and I think the only reason I have is because of placing her, that that was when I finally made my decision.  That’s when I knew, and it just--everything from there just slid right into place, and I wasn’t confused anymore, didn’t have any doubts throughout the rest of the process, so Heavenly Father was with me the whole time.

            : Interesting.  And you know, one of the things you said, you know, that kind of caught my attention is that, you know, you said that Heavenly Father was with you that whole time.  It sounds like you felt from the beginning of this process, even though you felt guilty and felt like you did something wrong, that you felt like the Lord was really kind of directing you to make this decision.

            : Yeah, well, and he knows me best.  I needed to be humbled to a certain point to one, become the person I am today, and two, to be humbled enough to find her family, because I had become so hardhearted, and my heart was just so hard from the friends I had associated myself with for the last four years, and I mean, my life was just in such turmoil at the time that Heavenly Father just, “Annie, okay, you’re going to be humbled,” to the point that I felt as though I couldn’t handle it; there’s so much grief in my heart.  But he knew what I needed to go through, so, and I firmly believe to this day, I thought, “Well, if I can place my daughter for adoption and I’ve turned out better from it, I’m like, I can handle anything.”  You know, it’s just given me so much strength.

            : Now, Cami, being, you know, younger high school student, did you have kind of the same feelings?  Did you feel--spiritually, what was going on?

            : Actually, when I would go to Church and see all these happy families with a father, it just made my heart ache, because I knew that I couldn’t give her that.  So to now see her with her parents that she will be sealed to means more to me than anything.  That was my decision point, to give her a father.

            : So it was mostly concern about her future well being, even over your own concern.  I would imagine that’s a difficult decision to, to come to.

            : Yes.

            : You had to give up a lot of yourself.  Annie, we talked about being led by the Lord in this decision.  Did you feel like that, you know, I’ve talked to some birth mothers that say, “I kind of felt like I was having this baby for somebody else.”  Is that how you felt, or--?

            : Oh, no.  Well, I mean, as soon as I made the decision to place him, everything did fall into place.  And I, when I made decisions like meeting with his adoptive parents and getting to know them and through correspondence before I even had him, it just felt right, and the Spirit was overwhelming.  And even, I mean, when I went to have him, I really felt like I was, I mean, I was giving him life.  I was giving him the greatest gift ever.  And also to his adoptive parents; I mean, you know, I never felt like, you know, I was having him for somebody else.  I felt like I was giving him a life, and a life that I couldn’t provide him, and a life that I, you know, wished from the moment that I found out I was pregnant that I wanted for him, and I gave him that.  And so that is a comfort to me and brings me happiness now.

            : Now there comes to a point, I guess, in this process--and you’ll have to educate me through it, because I haven’t been through this--I can help you with the make-up but I, you know, I have my limitations.  There comes a point where you make a decision of where you’re going to place the baby.  How does that whole process work?  How do you, you know, I guess people from Family Services come and work with you, and they give you different adoptive couples that you can research and look at--how does that whole process work, Kristin, what did you do?

            : Well, what I did is what we, or what my social worker told me to do is write a list of what you want this family to be like.  So you write down a list of everything you want your daughter or your child to have--

            : What were some of the things that you wrote down?

            : Well, I wanted, like, for the, at least one of them to have gone on a mission and go to college and have a good, steady job, but I also wanted them to, like, have things in common, like, with me, like riding horses and going hiking and like the outdoors and stuff, and that’s what a lot of what was on my list.  And then I gave it to my social worker, and she went through all the families and just picked out certain ones that matched as many things, and then you got to go through their files and just look at the pictures and read letters that they had written and stuff, and that’s how--and then the letters for me weren’t the thing--it was, like, the pictures, to see them, and it was, like, when I did see her family, I was like, “I can picture her with them,” and that’s what did it.  It was, like, we went through all the other ones, and my mom was there helping me, and we looked at each other and were like, “It’s them!”

            : And so when you found, when you saw them, you really knew.

            : Yeah, it was like, but, it was like I knew them, too.  It wasn’t just like I knew she would go with them; it was like I knew them, and they felt so close to our family already.

            : How closely did they match up with the original list of things that you--?

            : Pretty much exactly; everything, I think, that was on my list, they had.  They have a lot in common with my whole family, and so it’s kind of nice that she’s being raised how I was kind of, and so…

            : And so how close to your delivery did you run into their pictures?

            : I think about three months before I delivered.

            : And so about three months before, you had a real strong feeling that this is where you wanted your baby to go.

            : Yeah, I wasn’t ever, I mean, I took other ones home and went over it, but it was always them.  I just, the main person--they have a little boy--and he stuck in my head the whole time that he would just be a wonderful older brother to her.

            : Interesting.  Cami, similar situation?

            : Actually, it was their letter that got me.

            : Really?

            : I was presented with ten different families--ten different pictures and letters--and they were Family A; they were the very first ones.  And as I read their letter, it was written to me, even though they didn’t know it.  I knew that they, they had me in their hearts when they were writing this letter, and I read theirs, and I was very touched, and I read the other nine, and they weren’t as personal, and they weren’t as spiritual to me.  They were just kind of factual--you know, this is who we are, this is what we like to do--but my family’s was very personal and very close to me.  So it was their letter that--

: Interesting.  And so had you done a similar thing to Kristin before, kind of written down a list of things that you, and did they match that?

            : They did.

            : Really?

            : They did.

            : Interesting.  And so during that process, you--it sounds like after you read their letter, you kind of had a real connection with them.  Did you ever change your mind after that, or after that point?

            : No.

            : That you knew that that’s where--

            : I knew it was them.  Like Kristin, I kept a couple of them--I took some of them home, but the whole time I knew it was them.

            : Interesting.  And so, what was that like, meeting them?

            : It was incredible.  I was really, really nervous, and I thought that I wasn’t going to know what to say or what to do, but when they walked in the room, we hugged and cried, and there was never, you know, ill silence or anything like that.  It was a very spiritual and very personable, sacred meeting for me.

            : So it was as comfortable as you hoped it--

            : Oh, yes.

            : --Would be when you read their letter.  Interesting.  And I would guess that you were probably a little afraid that they might be judging you also, you know, because you kind of were worried about that, but they didn’t seem that way.

            : They didn’t at all; they were so excited and nervous also.

            : And so that’s, you know, it always hasn’t been that way where they’ve had that personal meeting, and it’s not that way in all adoption cases; was it that way for all of you?  And what was that like, when you had that meeting, when you sat down with them?

            : Oh, it was great.  I was the same way--I was afraid.  I was like, “Oh, I don’t know what I’m going to say, or what are they going to ask me?  And what if it’s just, you know, there’s all these silent pauses where we’re just kind of like, ‘Okay, what do we say now?’”  You know?  But it wasn’t.  My mom and one of my sisters was in the room with us also, as well as the workers, and you know, everybody was just engrossed in this, in the Spirit, and the love, that instant love, and you know, to this day, my mom still talks about how amazing it was, and how she knew just in that, you know, in that meeting that, that he belonged with them.

            : Did they seem nervous?

            : Yes!  Because I was all like, because after we had talked for a while, she’s like, “Good!  I was worried that, you know, we wouldn’t have anything to talk about.”  She’s just like, “We do!”  So it was, it was really exciting and funny that, that they were nervous to meet me, you know, so it was great.

: Now prior to your selecting them, did you review their personal history you review pictures of them and things?

            : Yeah, I did, I did, and it was everything that I could have hoped for.  I’m an athletic person, and art and culture and everything, and I’m from a big family, and so everything just kind of worked out, and I wanted, I wanted him to be the first child, you know.  I do want him to be the older sibling to somebody, but you know, yeah, it was, it was great in reviewing their--I mean, they were the first couple that I looked at, and yeah, they were the ones I picked.  And I did, I did look at others, you know, but it just, they just kept coming back in my mind, and I knew.

            : Heather, you had a process that you went through to select who you were going to place your baby with.  How did that work?

            : Yes, you do the, you look at the profiles of the adoptive couples, but you’re also profiled yourself by your social worker, so they ask about your hobbies and your interests because they try to match the families as close as possible to you so that your child, in a sense, is growing up with you.  I was given this profile, and I looked at it, and I thought, “Hmm, they sound kind of interesting,” and so I kept reading through it.  But at the same time, through all my meetings with my social worker, she was talking about this couple who’s, she would tell me about this couple, and you know, just say, “Oh, I felt inspired to call them and have them revise their profile.”  So she had me look at it the day, I found out, that they faxed the revised profile just to kind of give her my thoughts on it, and they ended up being my child’s family.  And it was that day that they revised it, and then a week later, we met.  And it was, it was an instant connection.  I remember I was at the door before I met them, and I just said to my social worker, “Do they realize how nervous I am?”  And just the minute that door opened, there was just arms reaching out to me, embracing me, and just saying, “We love you.  Thank you.”  And it was instant, and the Spirit was so incredibly strong, it overwhelmed me, and I was crying the whole time of our face-to-face because I was just so, that was the ultimate confirmation that this was the right thing to do, and this was her family, and it was, it was the most incredible moment of my life, besides having her.  So it was really neat.  A lot of birth mothers are afraid to meet the couples because they feel as though they’ll be strangers to them, but the Spirit’s so strong that you just, you know, and it’s as if you’ve known this family before.  They’re not strangers to you.

            : Well, it was kind of an amazing thing, because you haven’t known them, you haven’t really met them, but it seems to be a common thing that I’ve heard, that there’s kind of an instant bonding that takes place.

            : There is.

: And you think that’s really important for this process to be able work?

            : I believe that it’s a part of the process, because if you allow yourself to love this child that you’re carrying, to bond with the child and to just have an open heart, it’s--I believe it’s part of the process, because the Spirit is there the whole time.  It’s amazing; even my mother, who adopted me, had no idea of how intense it can be on a spiritual point, because the adoption process is so different over the years, but it’s been amazing, just amazing.

            : So it sounds like you kind of go through a wide range of emotions, where at first you’re feeling very guilty and, you know, like you’ve done something wrong, to where you have this kind of incredible spiritual experience, you know, maybe the most intense experience you’ve had with the Holy Ghost in your life, you know, within just, you know, coming on the heels of that.  What do you think?

            : I think it is.  I mean, you just feel so much relief, and you know you’re doing the right thing.  Actually when I met the adoptive parents, I was, like, scared that they wouldn’t like me, and so they wouldn’t want my baby, and then we met, and it was wonderful, but my social worker actually told us before they got here, she’s like, “Now remember the baby is here, too,” and I’d never thought of it that way.  I’m like, “Wow, my baby’s meeting them for the first time, too!”  But it is, it’s a wonderful experience, and you just know, and you get that confirmation from the Holy Ghost that it’s the right thing and this is what you’re supposed to be doing.  It’s a good experience.

            : Now there are some people believe that placing a child for adoption is a selfish decision.  What response would you have to other young women, or other people, who might have that?  Cami, what do you think?

            : I think it’s exactly the opposite, and I didn’t hold that, that I am a very selfless person.  I thought it might have been selfish of me to keep her, because that would have pleased me and I would have gotten to see her every day of my life.  And I think of that every day of my life, that I want so badly to hold her and to see her.  That to me would be selfish to keep her, not to give her everything that she deserves.  I don’t know what I would say to a person that would think that I was selfish that I placed her.

            : Any of the others, comment on that?

            : I’ve had somebody ask me that, and I just asked them, I said, “What’s selfish about me giving my daughter an eternal family?  What’s selfish about me giving her a father who loves her and wants her?  And what’s selfish about me giving her a family who’s ready to raise her?”  So, I don’t understand what’s selfish about that.  So, I mean, you sacrifice every part of your being to place that baby for adoption.  You sacrifice everything to give that child a family, and that’s not selfish to me.

            : It’s where we brought it.  Mandy, what would, what would you say to somebody who was thinking that?

            : Oh, I feel exactly the same way.  You know, I really do.  Throughout the pregnancy, you know, you’re connected--you’re connected, and I personally think that I would be a great mom.  I love kids, I had a wonderful example in my mother, you know, I could have been a great mom.  But that wasn’t enough.  And if I would have, if I would have kept him, I would have been selfish, because I wanted to have him, I wanted to raise him, I wanted to be the one, you know, that’s there when he starts walking and talking and, you know, his first word’s “Mom,” you know.  That would be great, but you know, he needed more than that, and so I gave him everything that I possibly could, and that just happened to be a life without me.  It was really hard to, because I placed in the hospital, so I had him for, like, two days, and it was crazy.  It was crazy how attached I was, and how, you know, you look at this little person that looks like you, and you know, and you think, you know, “I’ve been through all this, you know, it’s so emotional.”  And you just think, “When they come to get him, I’m going home with nothing.”  And you do, you go home to nothing, and you go home to sit and think about him, and you know, there’s that grieving time, yes, but you do get to the point where you realize that you’ve made the best decision, and that it overwhelms you with happiness to know that, that you’ve sacrificed everything for them in their life.  For me it was the first time I’d ever felt peace in my heart, that just you, you felt so much pain, but at the same time, I just felt so much peace inside.  You know, amongst all the tears and the sobbing, but I just, I felt so much at peace that one, I knew my daughter was safe, and just you feel very peaceful.

            : How long has it been since you placed?

            : She’ll be two years old in November.

            : So do you still feel that, you know, do you think about it a lot?  Do you still feel that same peace?

            : Not so much.  Not that I don’t think about her, but the thoughts I have of her now are, you know, the letters I’ve gotten--“Oh, she’s walking, she’s growing, and she laughs a lot, and she’s happy.”  You know, that’s what just helps me to just move on.  You know, I think about her every day, but it’s thoughts of, “Yeah, what I did was right.”

            : And then Cami, how long has it been since you placed your baby?

            : Not very long.

            : So it’s still pretty fresh for you.

            : Very.

            : And so discussing this is bringing back a lot of the emotion, and is it, how do you feel?

            : I love to talk about her, and anybody that will listen, I will go on for hours.  But at the same time, it’s hard, because I want to, I want to see her again.

            : That’s tough.  Kristin, it sounds like things get a little easier with time, but at first it’s kind of tough.

            : Yeah.  What’s helped me is, my sister can’t have children, and so the only way--she had to adopt.  And I had my daughter in October, and they got a call in January, and they got a little baby girl, and so it’s helped me to see her, and to see her grow, and I think of my daughter a lot when I hear her, like, on the phone talking, I’m like, “Oh, she’s doing the same thing,” because they’re so close, and that’s helped me.

            : Now I know that many birth moms write a letter.  What are some of the things that you would want your son or daughter to know about you, at some point in their life when they’re going to learn a little bit more about you as they grow up?

            : I, what I did is--because I’m adopted, and I don’t know anything about my birth family--I from the day I found out I was pregnant, I started writing in a journal just for her, for that first year, so that she could see every emotion I’ve gone through, all my--so she can see my weaknesses, but I also started a journal the day I placed her to the first year, so that she could also see how I grew from it, so she can see the strength that’s inside me, which is a part of her, so it was, I have that for her so that she can know me as a human being, and that’s just something I wanted to do for her.  And for the family.

            : Do you want her to--what would you explain to her about why that you decided to go through placing her for adoption?

            : Well, what I’ve, what I’ve told her is that just how much I love her, and that my love is so strong for her that I had--I needed to give her a family as much as I wanted to keep her, so, I mean, these are tears of joy, but as much as I wanted to keep her, I couldn’t because she deserved so much more.  I mean, she’s just an angel to me.

            : Annie, at some point, you know, you’re going to get to read that letter--what did you, what did you say?

            : I don’t even really remember details, because you know, you just get all into it, and you just write; it just comes out.  But I know that I was sure to let her know and express how much I do love him.  I also let him know how, how good I felt about his parents and why I chose them and why, you know.  And in the letter I also say, you know, as you’ll be able to see, you know, I was right, because I do, I believe in every way that he will grow up knowing that he has the greatest parents that he could have been blessed with.  So, yeah, I just, I just, I want him to know the amount of love that I have shown and that I do have for him always.  He’ll always be in my heart, and I’ll always think of him, even after I’m married and have a family of my own.

            : Kristin, was it important for you to put your feelings down on paper?
            : Yes.  I always told her how much I loved her and that I just felt like this was the right thing for her and for me.  I mean, I couldn’t be where I was today if I hadn’t--if I had kept her, and I knew that, and I wanted her to know that, but one thing is, she has helped me to grow and need a turnaround, because, like, they’ve said that they--or I wasn’t doing what I should have been doing, and she’s just helped me turn around and know what’s important in my life again and stuff.  Part of my thing is, I want to be a better person when I do see her again, if I ever do, and I want to show her that I didn’t just stick with the bad things and keep on going that way, but she did change my life.  And me placing her, I never regret, and I always know that it’s the right thing, and I’ve put that in my letter so she would know how much faith I have in what I did.

            : Cami, if you have a chance--had a chance--to sit down and explain what your decision was and why, what would you say?

            : We correspond about every week, and my letters is the hardest thing.  I tell her that I love her every time and how much I miss her, but I know when she’s older and she’s able to read them, she’s going to agree with me, that I did do the right thing, because I know she loves her parents so much.

            : And you know, just collectively, you know, a difficult thing to do, a hard decision to make for any young woman to be placed in this situation, just kind of as a final question, as you look back at this process, what are some of the things that you feel were really beneficial about the decision that you made?  What are some of the things that you really feel good about inside about the decision that you made to place your baby for adoption?

            : That now she has a family and she has a father that loves her with every ounce of his being--he’s a big guy.  And that my spiritual life is so good; just like all the other girls, I totally turned around, and this has helped me in so many aspects of my life.  It’s so important to me.

            : That’s good.  Kristin, what do you think?  What are--to look back at this, and now two years later, what are some of the real positive things that you see that came out of this?

            : Mainly that she has a full family and they were sealed together, that she is happy.  She’s growing up, and she’s in a safe place.  And I have changed, and I have grown from it too; I wouldn’t change what I’ve gone through for anything, because I learned from it and I grew from it.  And just I always know it’s the right decision, and I think that’s the thing is, you have to--I mean, it’s hard, but if you just remind yourself, “It’s the right thing, it’s the right thing,” that’s what I had to do a lot just to get through it, but I always knew in my heart that it was right.

            : Mandy, you feel, you seem to be very comfortable with the decision that you, you have made.  I guess you’ve probably seen the benefits of…

            : Yeah, I mean, it’s, it’s, it’s wonderful to know that, I mean, yeah, just recently they were able to take him to the temple, and they were sealed together, and that’s, that’s amazing, that’s wonderful.  I mean, I cried, but it was, it was good tears, you know, it’s not like, I don’t know.  And I mean, other positives are that I am closer than ever with my parents and my family.  I’ve gained a whole new respect for them, and I see how amazing they are and everything.  And I have also, you know, I’m given a whole new outlook on life.  I know the important things, and I know what I want to do, and I have new goals, you know.  Before, it just seemed like I just kind of floated throughout: “Well, you know, I’m doing what I’m doing now.”  And now I actually have long-term goals, and you know, I’m getting to the point where I’m accomplishing some of those, and it’s a good feeling.  And I thank my Heavenly Father daily, daily for the blessings, for the trials, for everyone who was in my life during that time.  So, yeah.

            : Heather, you were in a tough spot, and you’ve moved on.  But you’ve been through the temple, and you’re feeling pretty good about life right now?

            : Oh, wonderful.  I--something that people ask me, “Would you go through it again?”  And I’m like, “Well, I’m so grateful for the blessings of being able to go through the temple and receive my endowments; it’s just been a blessing, one blessing after another.”  And even through all the pain of it, I would go through it again for her.  I wouldn’t make the mistake again, but it would be actions, that it’s just something I’m so grateful for, it’s, it’s, the maturity level’s different, the way--you just appreciate life more now, you have a different perspective of how do you respect yourself and others.  You’re not the selfish, immature little person that we all were at one point; you appreciate your family, which I’ve always loved my family, but on this level, and now it’s up here because I just, I appreciate all the love and acceptance they’ve given me over the years, which I never showed.  And just the way you appreciate life more, and I love going to church, I love, you know, teaching, just things I’ve always taken for granted because of this little girl, you know, it’s just, and Heavenly Father it’s been just amazing.

            : Well, thank you very much for sharing your stories, and you know, for the role that you’ll play in helping other people who have gotten themselves in that situation, but I certainly appreciate your, your willingness to share with us today.  Thanks for being here.

            : Thank you.